Quotes, Signs and Memorable Lines

“Do you know why Iowa is so windy?

Because Minnesota blows, Missouri sucks, and Iowa is caught in the middle.”

-Girl Scout

 

“I don’t let my daughter visit the Iowa State Fair unless she’s with someone good at throat punching.”

-Parent of a work volunteer

 

“Please do not discard chewing tobacco in the garbage”

-Sign at SNAP Fitness

 

“Mom, do we HAVE to live in Iowa?”

-Child to mother

 

“Planning sex takes all the fun out of it.”

“Tell that to my Viagra erection.”

-Discussion at Morgan’s Bar and Grill

 

“I put women’s panties on my head and walked around shouting I AM CORNHOLIO.”

-Roommate Carl, on why he was thrown out of the local Walmart (true story)

 

“My girl learned her 2nd word today: cracker.  Now she runs around the house shouting CRACKER at her older brother.  And she’s right.”

-Bartender at Morgan’s Bar and Grill

 

“Mr. Patrick, is it finna rain?”

-Kindergartener during a hike

 

“Unsupervised children will be sold as slaves”

-Sign at Morgan’s Bar and Grill

 

“Dying.”

-Kindergartener, on what bison are doing in the spring

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