GRIMES-Adding to the growing debate about food safety, a conscious, sentient corn stalk concluded Saturday that genetically modified foods are “not an issue.”
“The scientific community overwhelming agrees GM foods are safe for human consumption,” exclaimed the self-aware cereal grain. “Now if only they could come to a similar consensus on the likelihood of free will.”
The corn, which asked to be called Zea, continued to outline the merits of genetically manipulating plant genomes and contemplating how life came to be.
“10,000 years ago, we were simple grass stalks with but a few kernels. Now, we are disease-resistant, nutritious cobs seeking to comprehend the meaning of existence.”
Zea paused momentarily, apparently lost in thought.
“Sorry. If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.”