RUNNELLS- In a stunning defeat for the defense team, District Court Judge Robert Hutchison ruled Friday that the low point accused of breaking a local bicyclist’s clavicle will be tried as a pothole. “This is not a decision I make lightly,” announced Hutchinson. “But given the malicious intent of the alleged crime and the low point’s pattern of criminal behavior, I believe the only option is to try it as a pothole.”
According to court filings, the depression allegedly attacked an unsuspecting local resident who was biking along Vandalia Drive last Saturday. The attack resulted in multiple fractures to the man’s right clavicle and pride. The identity of the victim has not been released; a common practice when victims sustains pathetic injuries.
From the start, the prosecution argued the depression’s criminal past invalidated trial under a lesser justice system. “This is not an isolated incident.” Said lead prosecutor Frank Golder. “The depression has shown a pattern of repeat behavior. If it cannot be rehabilitated, it must be tried as a pothole for the safety of my client and the public.”
Johnathan Philbeck, head of the defense team, was visibly upset by the ruling. “We are very disappointed by this unmerited decision. Judge Hutchinson conveniently forgets the years our client acted as a public road for the benefit of the community.”
The trial is scheduled to continue Tuesday morning. The low point will be kept under an orange traffic cone until court resumes.