A friend (aka Veggie Tales) invited me to her Bible study last week. It’s been a while since Catholic school, but I figured cracking open a Bible in good company would be a constructive use of my time. Especially compared to drinking beer and playing MMORPGs in my underwear.
Just kidding. I ran out of underwear.
Safe to say, it has been an adjustment articulating my thoughts to the people in the group. While my input is received with support and understanding, I can’t help but feel some of my thoughts are too unpolished to share. Granted I keep attending Bible study, I will share more and more of my insights. But for those that remain too crude, I will post them here for your…consideration. Feel free to look up the verses for context.
The Birth of John the Baptist Foretold
Luke 1:18-20, 34-35 How come Mary questions the angel and nothing happens, but when Zechariah questions the same angel he is cursed with muteness? Seems like a dick move on Gabriel’s part.
The Birth of Jesus Foretold
Luke 1:36 Mary and Elizabeth are cousins. And Mary’s like 13. So Elizabeth can’t be that old. She’s probably 19 and people think it’s a damn miracle she can still have a child.
Luke 1:67 Now he’s singing? I changed my mind. Gabriel should have left him mute.
The Birth of Jesus
Luke 2:8 What’s the modern-day equivalent of a shepherd? Mall cop? Parking lot attendant?
Jesus Presented in the Temple
Luke 2:24 Who asks for sacrificial pigeons? And would you catch them by hand, or was there a pigeon monger?
Luke 2:29 That would be great if Simeon died right as he said that. Just dropped dead as he was holding up infant Jesus.
The Genealogy of Jesus
Luke 3:28 The name “Er” honestly bothers me the most out of all of these names. And I’m pretty sure there’s a dude named “Salmon.”
Luke 3:32 Yep. There’s Salmon.
*Illegible* Oh FUCK! I just spilled my drink all over the Bible!
That last part actually did happen. My friend let me borrow her Bible, and I promptly spilled hot liquid on it. But things can only improve from there, right?