Bible thoughts I don’t Share at Bible Study

A friend (aka Veggie Tales) invited me to her Bible study last week.  It’s been a while since Catholic school, but I figured cracking open a Bible in good company would be a constructive use of my time.  Especially compared to drinking beer and playing MMORPGs in my underwear.

Just kidding.  I ran out of underwear.

Safe to say, it has been an adjustment articulating my thoughts to the people in the group.  While my input is received with support and understanding, I can’t help but feel some of my thoughts are too unpolished to share.  Granted I keep attending Bible study, I will share more and more of my insights.  But for those that remain too crude, I will post them here for your…consideration.  Feel free to look up the verses for context.

The Birth of John the Baptist Foretold

Luke 1:18-20, 34-35 How come Mary questions the angel and nothing happens, but when Zechariah questions the same angel he is cursed with muteness?  Seems like a dick move on Gabriel’s part.

The Birth of Jesus Foretold

Luke 1:36 Mary and Elizabeth are cousins.  And Mary’s like 13.  So Elizabeth can’t be that old.  She’s probably 19 and people think it’s a damn miracle she can still have a child.

Zechariah’s Song

Luke 1:67 Now he’s singing?  I changed my mind.  Gabriel should have left him mute.

The Birth of Jesus

Luke 2:8 What’s the modern-day equivalent of a shepherd?  Mall cop?  Parking lot attendant?

Jesus Presented in the Temple

Luke 2:24 Who asks for sacrificial pigeons?  And would you catch them by hand, or was there a pigeon monger?

Luke 2:29 That would be great if Simeon died right as he said that.  Just dropped dead as he was holding up infant Jesus.

The Genealogy of Jesus

Luke 3:28 The name “Er” honestly bothers me the most out of all of these names.  And I’m pretty sure there’s a dude named “Salmon.”

Luke 3:32 Yep.  There’s Salmon.

*Illegible* Oh FUCK!  I just spilled my drink all over the Bible!

 

That last part actually did happen.  My friend let me borrow her Bible, and I promptly spilled hot liquid on it.  But things can only improve from there, right?

Right?

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