Jesus is Tested in the Wilderness
Luke 4:3 – The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.”
Luke 4:9-11 – The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. For it is written: ‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”
Did Satan just quote scripture?
*Looks up passage*
He did! He quoted Psalm 91:10-11!
Glad to hear Satan is well-read.
Jesus Rejected at Nazareth
Luke 4:20 – Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down.
Luke 4:28-30 – All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this. They got up, drove him out of the town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw him off the cliff. But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way.
I don’t get it. If he’s the one they’re chasing to the end of the cliff, how the hell did he walk right through the crowd and go on his way? Is this an easter egg miracle? Can you have an easter egg if easter wasn’t a thing yet?
Jesus Drives Out an Impure Spirit
Luke 4:33 – In the synagogue there was a man possessed by a demon, an impure spirit. He cried out at the top of his voice, “Go away! What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!”
Did anyone else read the demon’s voice as Jack Black?
Jesus Heals Many
Luke 4:38-39 – Jesus left the synagogue and went to the home of Simon. Now Simon’s mother-in-law was suffering from a high fever, and they asked Jesus to help her. So he bent over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her. She got up at once and began to wait on them.
So he bent over her and whispered, “More cowbell.”
Luke 4:42-43 – At daybreak, Jesus went out to a solitary place. The people were looking for him and when they came to where he was, they tried to keep him from leaving them. But he said, “I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent.”
This reminds me of the scene from “Jesus Christ: Superstar.”
“One of the things I’m looking forward to in heaven is being able to see the Bible in real time.” -Veggie Tales
“Like a movie?” -J-Tay
“Yeah!” -Veggie Tales
Everyone will just bitch that the book was better.
“The desert wasn’t the only time Jesus was tempted.” – J-Tay
Here’s lookin’ at you, Mary Magdalene.
“Have you heard of people who color-code passages in their Bible?” -Veggie Tales
I just spill different crap on mine.